By Tony Stoltzfus
Have you ever had a conversation where half-way through you realized the other person wasn�t really listening? Sometimes we get the feeling that others are smiling and nodding while we are talking, but their minds are on something else entirely.
But now let�s turn the tables: if you feel that way sometimes when talking to others, it is likely that they sometimes feel the same lack of listening when they are talking to you! How do you become aware of it when you aren�t listening well? Here are four warning signs, along with common reasons for why each one might be happening:
- We interrupt a lot. We think our thoughts are more right or more important than the other person�s.
- We are distracted by the environment. This often happens in groups: while we are listening to one person, the other half of our attention is focused on scanning the room or looking for the person we really want to talk to.
- There are no pauses in the conversation. Instead of fully tuning into the other person, we are using the time they are speaking to frame our reply. So as soon as they�re finished speaking, we�re ready to jump in.
- We give advice. We�ve diagnosed the problem, looked at options and solved it inside our head while the other person is talking, and now we�re ready to dispense a solution.
The common element in all these warning signs is...
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